Let’s talk about judgement. It’s not always fun to be judged and we may not always notice when we judge others. That’s why on this week’s podcast, I wanted to chat about it.
I’ve seen a ton of judgement going around on social media. Bullying, bashing, name calling…you get the idea. You may be reading this and think that this post is timed pretty well considering a high-profile influencer, lifestyle guru that just had some crap go down. But I can assure you, this has nothing to do with that person. Talking about judgement has been on my mind for some time. In fact, I’ve had this as a topic for the podcast since its inception. I’ve been judged and I’m seeing others judge more and more and it needs to be discussed openly.
What I (and maybe you) have been seeing on social media or the news is a lot of negativity. Someone says something, someone else doesn’t like it or gets offended by it and then a torrential shit storm commences. If you’ve ever had this happen to you, you know what I’m talking about. You are the recipient of the judgement and then start to feel a whole host of feelings – unworthiness, anxiety and stress, sadness, humility and maybe even regret. It doesn’t feel good, right? Heck, it probably feels awful!
But what happens when you are the judger? Have you ever noticed when that happens how it feels? Probably not. I’m at fault in this too, so don’t think you’re alone. As a human society, we are quick to make judgement and move on because that’s how our ancestors did it. We cast doubt, blame and whatever else on the other person because if we don’t, we might be accused of something and be persecuted right along side them. Let’s look at a few examples:
“Gosh, she’s tall!”
When you see this statement, you may not notice it, but you are judging that person. I’m shorter than the average woman and seeing another tall woman to me is a dream. When I was young, I just wanted to be 5’2″. Sad, I know. I’ve said this exact statement before and I know it’s because I wish I had that person’s height. I never thought about what that tall woman might be going, through. She might be uncomfortable with her height because she stands out in the crowd and overhearing this statement, might send her on a downward spiral.
“Man, what a jerk!”
I know I’ve said this before. Especially when I’m in traffic. I’m driving and someone cuts me off so I start spewing cuss words. I’m angry because I had to slam on my brakes and avoid an accident. Yes, no one got hurt but the fact that I almost did is what makes me so upset. Here’s the kicker, though – you don’t know all the facts. Maybe that driver cut you off because they’re trying to rush a pregnant woman in labor to the hospital. Or maybe they’re trying to rush to the bedside of their mother because she’s dying. The truth is, you don’t have all the facts.
“I look exhausted.”
Ever said this to yourself first thing in the morning? I bet you have because I know I have. On one hand, I can count how many days I’m not tired in the morning. It’s very few and far between. When this is the first words out of my mouth in the morning, it forces me to start my day on a negative trajectory. Those three little words remind me just how bad I look, how ugly I am and although it might seem like they are just words, they are hurtful.
“My boss is such an @$%^!”
Working for someone you don’t like is painful. I’ve been there. When someone in leadership treats you and all of his or her employees like trash, it’s not fun going to work everyday. You want to quit, but you can’t because you need the money. You want to get up and walk out, but your family depends on you. Your boss also needs you and depends on you. This is another situation where you don’t have all the facts. Maybe your boss has a lot going on that you don’t see – financial problems at home, relationship issues with their spouse or it could even be that their productivity is slacking.
While these are just a few common examples, what I want you to take away from them is one very big common denominator. In almost every situation, when there is a judgment call, the person making the judgment doesn’t always have the facts. Sometimes feelings come into play and when they do, it can change the situation drastically. As Trent Shelton says, “Facts over feelings”. Always remember to use the facts first to determine what the next step is. It’s not about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes or whether or not you were actually there. It’s about whether you were involved.
If you need help counteracting the impulse to judge, here are a few methods to think about implementing in your daily routines.
- Practice the Holy Instant – This is something I’ve talked about before and learned from Gabby Bernstein. The Holy Instant is where you take a breath before taking the next step. Take a breath and a moment to think about what’s happening, what’s being said, how people are reacting and how you want to proceed. I use this every single day to help me be the best possible me and avoid the quick judgements.
- Mirror Moments – This I learned from Shaun T. He is a fitness trainer but is also a very inspiring person. Shaun teaches people to have “Mirror Moments” where you look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself one compliment. Maybe your hair looks good or you’re wearing a new outfit that fits you really well. Regardless of what it is, say that compliment out loud and start your day off right.
- Judgement Detox – This is a book written by Gabby Bernstein and while I haven’t read it yet, it’s on my list. Gabby walks you through six steps to help you release the feelings that go along with judgement. It uses spiritual principle to teach you how to avoid judgement and how to live an even more amazing life. You can get it anywhere books are sold.
Despite what I’ve shared with you today, we will never stop judging. It’s human nature to judge and be judged. But we can be a tad nicer about it. Everyone is going through something so try to be kind.