UPDATED 05/19/2025
Friends… Turning 40 is something I honestly never thought would come. Not necessarily because I didn’t think I’d be alive, but if you know my story, then maybe that really is the underlying reason. I had a lot of challenges growing up—was born with asthma, had with anxiety and depression which led to a suicide attempt, and even faced a financial crisis. Despite all this, I’m here and I have survived.
Along the way, I’ve learned a lot. I know I still have a ton to learn, but after turning 40, I felt like I was really coming into my own. And yes, it took this long to figure out who I really am. From the minute we graduate high school, we are pushed to know everything for the rest of our lives. Where we’re going to college, what we want to do for the rest of our lives, where we want to live, etc.
I wanted to go to an out-of-state college, but couldn’t afford it so I had to settle for a local college. Is it what I wanted? Hell no! Even still, I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. So much so, I changed my major three times and ended up working in corporate for 14 years before deciding I wanted more freedom in life.
What I’ve Learned Since Turning 40
I’ve learned that anxiety and depression doesn’t have to stop you. I lived with it these conditions for as long as I can remember and for many, I was undiagnosed. I went through life pretending I was someone else. On the outside, everything looked amazing. But on the inside, I was drowning in fear, hate (for myself and others), jealousy, and so much negativity. After my suicide attempt, I had some therapy but not nearly enough. What actually hellped me more was gaining access to personal development books and podcasts that would help me become the person I am today. I still have anxiety and occasional bouts of depression, but I give myself grace on those days and keep taking steps forward.
I’ve learned that it’s ok to love a lot of different things. Throughout my life, I’ve had a number of passions—dolphins for the way they care about their community, reading because it transports me to different world, and soccer because it was a team sport I could do despite having asthma. As I’ve grown, I’ve learn to love fashion because it was fun, keeping things clean, having a plan, and scheduling my life because it helps me stay organized. I’ve also learned that not everyone is going to like me and I’m ok with that. I wasn’t at first, but over time, I’ve gotten more comfortable with it. I no longer need to fit in because I am who I am. Plain and simple.
What I Still Need to Learn
Numero Uno: patience. I’ve never been a very patient person. I expect the best—both for me and for the people around me. That lack of patience stems from people (including myself) not doing the right thing the first time. And unfortunately, I can sometimes be hard headed or fly off the handle easily. When it comes to reaching my goals, I’ve always put too much pressure on myself and end up quitting or taking an extended break because I get burnt out. But I’m realizing that taking smaller steps, baby steps, can be a good thing.
I also need to learn to let loose a bit more. As a Type A personality and an Enneagram 1, I tend to be conscious of what others think of me and hold back a bit. I almost always have my “game face” on and that can be exhausting. Letting loose to me means laughing loudly and a heck of a lot, making an impromptu trip to the beach, going with the flow more, and just having more fun in life. As I care less about what other people think, letting loose is becoming easier and easier.
No, this is definitely not all I need to learn and I have no idea what’s coming next for me. But my gut tells me it’s going to be something great!
Here’s Your Challenge
If you’re close to my age, or getting there, I you to think about coming into your own. It can be a tough process because we don’t know always how to interpret the challenges and struggles we face. So here’s what I want you to do.
- Try something new, even if it scares you.
- Pick a place to travel to, one you’ve never been before, and go.
- Go shopping and pick out an outfit you wouldn’t normally wear but love at first sight. Then, wear the heck out of it!
Keep exploring the thoughts you’re having and test them out. The more you listen to your own internal thougts, the faster you’ll get to know yourself.
