UPDATED 04/18/2025
This is me! I’ve told my story before in a blog, but when I started the Happy, Healthy, Mindful podcast, I decided to tell my story. So here’s my story, the podcast versions.
I was born an asthmatic. And it’s funny because the one thing I should have the innate ability to do from birth is breathing. I was sick all the time. I couldn’t or didn’t want to eat because I didn’t have an appetite. My parents really didn’t understand what was wrong with me either. Around age four, they figured it out. After being in and out of the hospital about every six months, my mother [who was a nurse] said she was going to leave me there until I was given a diagnosis. After some tests, they diagnosed me with asthma.
And as the oldest of two [I have a younger sister], I always felt a lot of pressure. Despite having asthma, I always felt this pressure to be better. I wanted to try and set a good example, and try to impress everyone. Despite how hard it was for me to breathe, my sister had it so much harder. She had a few diagnoses that made it even more of a challenge to navigate life. But despite all of that, I was jealous. She got a TON of attention because she needed it and I was left to my own devices.
I became super independent, which can be a good or bad thing. As I grew up, I tried to fit in every way that I could. I participated in sports, like soccer and softball, was in Drama Club, and spent a lot of time with the “wrong” people. I try not to pass judgement, some of those people were taking me in the completely wrong direction.
That path would lead me to severe depression and a suicide attempt. While everyone would look at me and see good things happening for me, I just wanted a way out. I couldn’t find my place in life, never felt like I fit in, and always felt out of place. I was overweight and a tomboy so was bullied. It’s sad that the same girls I played soccer with were the same girls that looked down at me. It was harsh and I hated it. I hated living. Back then, I didn’t even know there such a thing as a suicide prevention hotline but wish I did.
After it all went down, my parents took me to therapy. I was granted 8 sessions from health insurance company. ONLY 8 SESSIONS!!! Yes, there was a stigma surrounding mental health at that time, but 8 sessions is a joke! If I had more, I think my life would have been different. After the sessions were over, I had to be watched. I was with someone at all times and felt like I was being babysat. That is, until my parents felt like I was fine and that I was not going to make another attempt.
From then on, I kind of floated through life. I was coasting. I went to college and still couldn’t find my place. In the first year, I changed my major three times. First it was Biology, because I thought I was going to be a Marine Biologist, but I failed chemistry. Then, it was Business Management. I figured it was the easy route and could help me get any job. But I hated how boring some of the classes were. So I settled on Psychology. The brain and the mind fascinated me. I wanted to learn all the ways we have the ability to change our thoughts almost instantaneously. Even with a BA in Psychology, I still didn’t know what I was going to do with my life, but I had a bright light shine my way.
I met my other half and he made me feel important for the first time in a really long time. He pushed me to follow my dreams [whatever they were] and was supportive of me just wanting to continue to learn and grow. He encouraged me to follow the things that sparked a light in my heart. One of those things were musicals. This love stems from my Drama Club days and while so many have impacted my life The Greatest Showman and Wicked are a few that were profound. There are two songs, one in each, that I cry through every time I hear them. I’m talking sobbing hysterically.
In The Greatest Showman, there is a point in the movie where the bearded lady, Lettie Lutz, start to sing “This is Me”. She is at a point in her life where she’s full of gratitude for PT Barnum but also devastated because the show is going to be closing. Lettie and the other performers had a home with the circus and if it closed, they would without that and without a feeling of acceptance. This song reminds me that I am me, flaws and all, and even though I’m different, I can still be accepted.
The other musical, Wicked, is probably one of the most popular musicals of all time and while it might be because of the recent movie, But my love for this starts when I was child and loved The Wizard of Oz. As a kid, I knew there was more to the story, just waiting to be told. Then came Wicked. The song that brings me to tears is “Defy Gravity”. Similarly to “This is Me”, it’s a reminder that I’m just like anyone else and if I want something, I can do it.
While my story might be more common than you think, the path I ended up following was one that led to a balanced and healthy life. From my schooling in psychology, I knew I wanted to help people in some way. Fast forward to today, I’m doing just that through The Mindful Virtual Assistant. I wouldn’t change this crazy ride for anything because it led me to where I am today. As I look back, I realize that everything I went through was for a reason and that reason was to help me, help you. ❤️
