UPDATED 03/07/2025
Hi, my name is Jenn and I’m a recovering perfectionist. Although I’m still battling with it from time to time, I have just about recovered. I wanted to do this post because I thought it could help you learn how to identify if you’re a perfectionist and how it is possible to overcome it.
When I think of my journey as a perfectionist, I think of
- People pleasing
- Always trying to do the best possible, regardless of the outcome
- My constant negative self-talk when things don’t go right
- Constant comparison of myself to others
- My fear of failure
I’m sure there’s more and I bet you can come up with a whole host of things. I learned how to identify the perfectionist in me based on how I was feeling when something happens. I became more observant and it helped me learn if I was someone that tried to be perfect all the time.
For me, being a perfectionist will always be there.
I distinctly remember it always being there. It’s not like at age six I discovered I was a perfectionist, I truly think I was born this way. As a kid, I always tried to do things right. When I say right, I mean according to the law. Laws of government, parental rules, and the laws of life! I hated getting dirty, because I thought I always had to be clean. I didn’t like skipping homework because I felt obligated to get it done. And I was always crying because I never felt like I was good enough.
My parents didn’t really understand me. They thought I was too grown up, too independent, and couldn’t physically be a child. My parents thought they could “fix” it so they registered me in soccer. The goal was to make me get dirty and overcome that fear. The other pieces were still there, though, and there was no fixing them. I remember being this way all through grade school and into college. It was just the way I was. Looking back, I wonder if I was this way because I was diagnosed with asthma early on and had to grow up really fast. I basically had to learn how to take care of myself.
After college, I started to really notice my ticks and the feelings I would get. My eyes became very open and I paid attention to how I behaved, how I felt, and whether or not my feelings seemed to be extreme. I also read books on personal development and how I could become a better person. The more I read, the more I changed. The more I felt it was easier to cope with life. Today, I’m a much different person and I could be considered a recovering perfectionist.
How do I become a recovering perfectionist?
I believe you are always a work in progress. Any changes you make will not happen overnight, but you can change over time. Here are 3 tips that you can put into play today and start your journey:
- Be observant. – It’s not just about opening your eyes. You need to open your eyes, ears, and get in tune with what’s going on in you and around you. Be prepared to take a serious hard look at yourself and your life.
- Document, document, document! – You’re not writing a report for anyone but yourself so it doesn’t have to be perfect. Grab a pad of paper, a journal, or a beautiful moleskin notebook and just start writing. Document what happens to you and for you every day, if you can. Write out your feelings, just before you go to bed so you can capture as much as you can.
- Be patient. – It will take time so be patient with yourself. Know that it’s ok to make mistakes and still try to be perfect every once in a while. I do think there are times for it, but you don’t have to let perfectionism control your life.
These are the starting points that got me to recovery. They can start you on the right track too. I have one more tip for you that is vital!
Educate yourself!
This tip is HUGE because it’s what got me to really change and put things into action. Find a personal development or growth book that you gravitate toward and read it. Soak it in! And put the changes from that book into action.
