UPDATED 05/18/2025
Let’s talk about passing judgement. It’s not fun to feel judged and we may not always notice when we judge others.
I always see a lot of people passing judgement on social media. It’s rampant for it. For some reason, people feel more comfortable passing judgement when they’re behind a screen. There’s bullying, bashing, name calling, and so much more. And if this sounds familiar, it feels like more often we’re seeing high-profile influencers see those type of trolls in their comments.
Talking about judgement has been on my mind for some time. We’ve all experienced judgement in one fashion or another. I’m seeing others use negative language more and more so this topic needs to be discussed.
What I (and maybe you) have been seeing on social media or the news is a lot of negativity. The United States, where I live is in such turmoil as I update this post that the negativity almost feels normal. Someone post a news story and then the comments come flooding in. People get upset and then a torrential shit storm commences in the comments. When this happens, passing judgement comes naturally and isn’t something we’re aware that we’re doing it. This judgement leads to a whole host of feelings: unworthiness, anxiety and stress, sadness, humility, and maybe even regret. It doesn’t feel good for the recipient of all the negative energy.
But what happens if you are the one doing the judging? Have you ever paid attention to how you feel when you’re doing it? Probably not. I’m at fault in this too, so you’re alone. As a human, we are naturally quick to pass judgement. We cast doubt, blame, and whatever else on the other person. Sometimes we do it because we think we might be persecuted right along side them. Or maybe it’s because we’re insecure.
Examples to Consider
“Man, what a jerk!”
I know I’ve said this before. Especially when I’m in traffic and when someone cuts me off. I start spewing cuss words and I’m angry because I had to slam on my brakes and avoid an accident. No one gets hurt (usually) but the fact that someone could get hurt is what makes me so upset. Here’s the kicker, though: In this example, we don’t have all the facts. That driver possibly cut you off because they’re trying to rush a pregnant woman in labor to the hospital. Or maybe they’re hurrying to get to the bedside of their mother who’s about to pass. So while that person might be a jerk, they also might not be.
“You look exhausted.”
Ever said this to yourself first thing in the morning? Or even worse, someone else? Most days, I’m still half asleep when my feet hit the floot. But when these are the first words out of my mouth in the morning, I’m starting my day on a negative path. Those three little words remind me just how bad I look, how ugly I am, and although it might seem like they are just words, they can be hurtful.
“My boss is such an @$%^!”
Working for someone you don’t like is painful. When someone in leadership treats you and all their employees like trash, it’s not fun going to work everyday. You want to quit, but you can’t because you need the money. You want to get up and walk out, but your family depends on you. Your boss also needs you and depends on you. Again, you don’t have all the facts. Maybe your boss has a lot going on that you don’t see—financial problems at home, relationship issues with their spouse, or productivity is lacking.
While these are just a few common examples, what I want you to take away from them is the one common denominator. In almost every situation, when there is a judgment call, the person making the judgment doesn’t always have the facts. Sometimes feelings come into play and when they do, it can change the situation drastically. As Trent Shelton says, “Facts over feelings”. Always remember to use facts first to determine what the next step is.
How to Avoid Passing Judgement
If you need help counteracting the impulse to judge, here are a few methods to use in your daily routines.
- Practice the Holy Instant – This is something I’ve talked about before and learned from Gabby Bernstein. The Holy Instant is where you take a breath before taking the next step. Take a moment to think about what’s happening, what’s being said, how people are reacting, and what you want to do next. I use this every single day to help me be the best possible me and avoid the quick judgements.
- Mirror Moments – I learned this from Shaun T. He is a fitness trainer but is also a very inspiring person who teaches people to have “Mirror Moments”. This is where you look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself one compliment. Just one. Maybe your hair looks good or you’re wearing a new outfit that fits you really well. Give yourself a compliment out loud and start your day off on a positive note.
- Judgement Detox – This book written by Gabby Bernstein walks you through six steps to help you release the feelings that go along with judgement. It uses spiritual principles to teach you how to avoid judgement and how to live an even more amazing life. I haven’t read this book yet so I can’t share my review, but I know Gabby so I know this book is a game changer.
Despite what I’ve shared with you today, society will never stop judging others. It’s human nature to judge and be judged. But I think we can be a tad nicer. Everyone is going through something so try to be kind.
