UPDATED 05/10/2025
Do you say yes a lot? So often that you don’t prioritize yourself and push your needs to the back burner? I used to be this way. Well, I still am in certain circumstances, but much less than before. If you’re not sure, answer these questions:
- Do I accept every invite that comes my way?
- Are you the person that everyone comes to when they need help?
- Do you spend money when it isn’t really the best decision for you and your family?
- Have you ever agreed to something when your gut is screaming at you trying to tell you to say no?
If you nodded when reading any of the questions above, you probably do not prioritize yourself much, if at all. And I bet you never ask for anything in return. While it’s ok to say yes, it’s not ok to say yes all the time. I learned this the hard way.
My suicide attempt when I was just 16 years old was my wakeup call. That is when I learned I wasn’t prioritizing myself and was giving too much to others. Thankfully I survived because it made me realize that saying no needed to become part of my regular repertoire. The sad part is, that attempt didn’t actually change me… because I kept saying yes.
I distinctly remember one summer that my husband and I said yes to just about everything. It was the summer a friend had passed away. A friend that we loved dearly, but didn’t get to see often because we were so involved with being homebodies. Don’t get me wrong, now I’m a total homebody, but we were extreme. Before that summer, we said no a lot and did things that worked for us. But after our friend’s passing, we felt guilty for saying no. Instead, we started to say we’d sleep when we were dead. So as a result, we did a total 180! We had 2-3 things to do every weekend day which meant our life was insane. By fall, we were burnt out, exhausted, and knew something had to change.
How to Prioritize Yourself
Even though things had to change, and we needed to prioritize our own needs, we didn’t want to miss out on life either. So we started slow. We practiced saying no and were picky about what we said no to. We had to say it over and over again until we became somewhat comfortable. I say somewhat because it’s still not an easy word to say.
To get more comfortable, we had fun with it and got creative. Here are a few phrases we used:
“Let me think about that and get back to you.”
“I can’t commit to that right now.“
“That’s not a priority for me so I’ll have to pass.“
These phrases can buy you some time to ponder the invite and see if you really want to say yes. They also allow you to be clear with the person asking something of you. No more saying maybe, no I’ll have to see… These words can leave the conversation open and give the impression that you might still say yes. So trust in your own words and feel confident when you speak. Be honest and kind, but only say yes if it feels right.
Here’s the thing—saying no is important for so many reasons. The main reason, you get to prioritize yourself and your life. It might feel selfish, but I promise you it’s not. Saying no is a form of self-care. It’s how you get to live life on your own terms.
I’m ending this post with a challenge. I want you to start to practice saying no. For the next 30 days, say no to at least one thing a day. It can be as simple as an extra cup of coffee or as large as taking a trip you know you can’t afford. Either way, start taking better care of you.
